BACK IN THE USA

I ended my last blog entry stating we had tickets to travel to the U.S., although I still feared something could go wrong. Fortunately, all went well and we were able to make it here as scheduled on Thursday, April 18. In that last blog I wrote of the difficulty in getting tickets since the U.S. would not accept any flight originating in Russia. I had to schedule a trip from St. Petersburg to Istanbul and then one from Istanbul to the U.S. This blog will be about our trip to give you some idea of how international travel is these days. It is, of course, completely personal stuff. So if you are interested more in the nature of international events you probably want to skip this one. 

Marina and I got up about 4:30 a.m. on Wednesday, April 17. Oksana’s mom had scheduled a taxi to take us to the airport. The plane was not scheduled to leave until 10:00, but they wanted us there two hours beforehand to check in our luggage. Luggage was a big concern for me. I weighed our 4 suitcases on our bathroom scales, and two of them came close to the 23 kg limit. Roman, Gabriel and Oksana’s parents all came over to see us off at 6:00 a.m. sharp. As we all hugged, it felt quite strange knowing we were leaving with no intention of returning any time soon. 

We arrived at Pulkovo airport in plenty of time. Marina was worried about having to translate for me. We had such a negative experience at Domodedova in Moscow with personnel who made communication difficult. I told her it was different at Pulkovo in St. Petersburg. It turns out I was correct. We communicated quite easily.  As I placed the biggest suitcase on the scales, I could see the lady knew I was worried. It came to exactly 23.0 kg. She gave me a big smile. She also spoke warmly to Marina.

She informed us, however, that we had too many suitcases. On the trip from Istanbul to the U.S. it stated we were allowed two suitcases each. I did not see on our tickets to Istanbul we were allowed only one suitcase each. My heart sank. Then she said we could take the smaller suitcase on board the aircraft with us–even though it obviously exceeded the weight limit. I asked if I could pay extra and get the other one loaded. Initially she said yes, but then she spoke to Marina in Russian (and I understood her), “Tell your daddy that I am going to go ahead and load this suitcase on the plane without charge. It is my gift to him.” I was pleasantly surprised at her kindness. 

We boarded the plane and took off on schedule. The flight was 6 hours. I did a little reading, but Marina and I talked a lot about what life would be like in America. They served meals as well, so that trip did not seem too long. It was my first time in Istanbul. I have never been anywhere in Turkey, in fact. As we approached the landing the scenery looked very beautiful.  We landed with no problems. 

The international airport there is huge. I first wanted to find out if they had a hotel in the airport, because our flight was scheduled to leave on Thursday at 6:10 a.m. It surprised me that we remained in the same time zone as Moscow. Everyone we stopped to ask questions spoke English. They did not speak English well, but everyone from airline personnel to the people at the food court spoke English well enough to help us.  

We finally found the hotel after a long walk. The room was nice, but not elaborate. It cost $220 per night. I thought that was a lot for the small room. I paid in dollars, but the lady did not have change. So I ended up paying $200 in cash, and I put $20 on my Venture One credit card. They accepted American credit cards and payment in dollars. 

After reserving the room and putting our suitcases there we went to the food court and ate at Burger King. I thought the prices there were also quite high. I got a large burger, fries and a soft drink, and Marina got chicken nuggets, fries and a small drink. Our cost was $25.00. The good news is I had been able to go to my Russian bank  (Sberbank) in Luga and get American dollars for my rubles. Therefore, I was able to pay for everything. 

The next morning we got up at 4:00 a.m. again. We went on down and checked our baggage. I had transferred some things from the big suitcase to Marina’s suitcase because it was much lighter. All the suitcases were received with no problems. The lady at the desk spoke freely with us and especially with Marina. Marina had colored her hair slightly with a dark red coloring. The lady at the counter had done exactly the same thing. I told her that they even looked alike, and she said she thought so as well! She checked all our luggage to Washington, D.C. She told me she could not check it to Charlotte because the U.S. requires that all baggage go through Custom inspections at D.C. 

We then proceeded to the proper gate to await boarding for our plane to Frankfurt. While we were sitting there an announcement came over the loudspeaker: “Marina Freeman, please report to the front desk.” My heart sank. What went wrong? We got to the front desk and there was the lady who checked us in. She told me that after we left she did not feel good about where she seated us for our flight from Frankfurt to the U.S. It is a 9 hour flight and she had put us in the center section, which has 4 seats across. She did not want Marina seated there. So she moved us to the window area where there are only two seats. We would be able to sit together more comfortably.

I was quite impressed and very thankful that this lady thought through what would be best for Marina. She went through reprocessing our tickets and then walked all the way to the gate to explain it to us. I thanked her profusely! She then turned to the gentleman who would be opening the gate for boarding and instructed him to allow Marina and me to board first. While things were expensive there, I obviously came away with a very positive impression of the people of Turkey. 

The flight from Istanbul to Frankfurt was about 3 hours and was uneventful. After arriving, we had to wait over 4 hours before boarding for the flight to D.C. This allowed us to eat and rest. They also accepted dollars so we never had to exchange currency. We went to the place where our gate was and were able to find enough empty seats to lie down. We both ended up taking a nap. 

We boarded the plane and did get our seats as promised. The only downside was that the group of German senior citizens around us was very loud! It was a long flight across the ocean, but I was prepared. I had brought some reading materials. I brought an old Greek New Testament I had purchased about 20 years prior.  I also had volume 1 of C.S. Lewis’ Narnia chronicles. I had read all of those except for the first one, “The Magician’s Nephew.” I had started with “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.” So I would read about 3 chapters of the Greek NT, then C.S. Lewis. There was also a screen on the seatback in front of us which showed movies. They brought around ear phones for everyone. I kept them in all the time to cover up the loud voices of the German group. I found a movie I had wanted to watch but never had–”Casino Royale.” I love James Bond movies, but somehow missed this one. So I would watch the movie for a while, then read Greek, then C.S. Lewis. They also frequently brought around snacks, coffee and meals. So the flight went pretty well for me. Marina was also able to occupy herself with reading, playing games on her phone, and watching children’s shows on the screen. 

The biggest problem we faced on our trip home occurred when we got to Dulles Airport in Washington, D.C. Upon arrival we wanted to hurry out because our flight to Charlotte, N.C. was leaving an hour and a half from our landing in D.C. Nevertheless, they made all of us with connecting flights board a bus to get to our luggage at Customs. Even after everyone was on board and the doors were closed we waited another 15 minutes. We all sat looking at our watches because we had flights to get to. I was quite tense. My little girl kept telling me to smile. She assured me that she was praying, and we would make it. The bus finally left for the location of our luggage, but then stopped again for no apparent reason. By the time we got to our luggage and had customs pass it, we were under time pressure for sure. 

We finally figured out the right direction to get to the proper gate, but it was a long way there. My little girl and I ran as fast as we could. I was really nervous. Marina kept saying, “Daddy, quit worrying. We will make it. I am praying.” She was right. After a long run, we did get to the gate just before it closed. After we boarded the plane Marina looked out and saw someone get turned away for being too late. The workers in all the airports we had been in were very concerned with helping passengers except for the one in the U.S. 

The flight to Charlotte went by very quickly. When we got to the baggage claim near the exit, we saw my brother waiting. We got our baggage, and his wife drove the car to pick us up. We finally were truly on our way home. After a two hour drive we arrived at his home. Marina slept all the way from the airport. 

We rested well on Friday, and my oldest son and two of his children came up to see us on Saturday. His youngest was not feeling well, so his wife stayed home with her. She was better the next day so we went down and spent Sunday afternoon with them. Marina was so happy to be with her American family, as was I. They had bought her a large bag of presents. I realized just how much we both had missed them. It was a delight. 

Monday I went to the bank to order checks. My account was still open, but I had no checks. I also ordered a debit card. Then I went to Verizon, and got new phones for Marina and me. As soon as they looked at my Russian phone they said there was no way they could use it. I explained my situation both to the customer service lady at the bank and the guys at the phone company. They all were very helpful, although I am having trouble getting our phones fully serviceable. It is more complicated here than in Russia. My next step is to buy a car and then find a place to live. We want to live near the school where my son is Chief Academic Officer. It is a Classical Christian school. Fortunately we are under no time pressure since my brother has plenty of room for us.  

I have not kept up closely with the news, of course. I was just relieved that no international crisis prevented us from getting to the U.S. I can already tell things are quite different here, especially with the economy. Right now I am focused on the family. We will go down to Charleston, S.C. tomorrow and visit with my son who lives there. He is going through a divorce so he lives alone. We will be near the beach, and we are looking forward to being on that sandy beach of South Carolina. I have not seen my family in six years, so this is a great joy. Marina Grace is loving it as well. It has been a long time since I have seen her so happy. Politics is important, but it is time to put such concerns aside for now. I miss the stability of Russia already, but I believe I am where we should be.

LEAVING FOR AMERICA: SECOND ATTEMPT

We essentially have made all preparations to return to America. This blog entry covers issues related to obtaining tickets, as well as reflections on how relationships will go in America when we return from Russia. 

Getting tickets to the U.S. Yesterday, April 10, I was able to purchase the tickets needed for Marina Grace and me to get to America. It has been a very complicated process. We actually got Marina’s Russian travel passport back earlier than the April 5 date we had been given. Nevertheless, when my friend came over and tried to help me get tickets on the Avia site I used before, it would not process the sales. I got vague messages just stating, “Did not process.” My friend and I thought maybe it was my bank card. As I mentioned before, since I got “hacked” (of a sort) they upped my security. When we went to the bank, however, they said they actually sent the money for the tickets twice, and Avia returned the money both times. 

We were confused. I posted this problem on Facebook, and an American friend who lives in St. Petersburg wrote that you cannot reserve tickets to fly from Russia to America. The U.S. will not permit it, even though you are going through stops in other countries to get there. I could not find that explanation anywhere else, but I trusted my friend. He travels quite a bit. 

What I eventually had to do was to book a flight to Istanbul from St. Petersburg and do another separate order from Istanbul to the U.S. I ran into problems with my card again. I booked the flight to the U.S. first to make sure I could get there. I thought perhaps that would be the problem. There were no problems getting that flight. I used the American site, Expedia, which my friend had recommended. He even set it up for me. I had to use my brother’s American credit card so it took some time to get that information. I was relieved that eventually all went well. 

I used Yandex Travel to book my flight from Petersburg to Istanbul, but it would not accept my card because it does not have my name on it. I tried unsuccessfully several times and then decided to transfer money to another Russian card I have because it does have my name on it. Unfortunately the bank’s alarm bells went off and shut down my card again. I really began to doubt if this would ever work out. After a couple of days I got my bank card open again. I decided to use the old Avia site to get our tickets from Petersburg to Istanbul. You cannot imagine my relief that the order was processed, and I received confirmations. 

So we are set to leave Russia on April 17 to go to Istanbul. We will spend the night there and leave at 6:10 a.m. to go to Frankfurt, Germany, then to Washington, D.C., and finally to North Carolina. I believe I have all needed documents. I have Marina’s and my American and Russian passports. I have her apostille birth certificate and a stamped copy of Oksana’s death certificate. The elementary school here gave me a document showing she is leaving school with proper permission. I didn’t ask for it, but they said it could be needed. 

Nevertheless, I am not “counting my chickens before they hatch,” as the saying goes. I believe we will leave, but with international events being what they are these days, one can never be sure. The U.S. seems to be getting desperate. 

Responses from readers. I was terribly disappointed in many of the responses to my last blog entry. I had stated in general my reasons for leaving, but informed readers I was not going to get into the very private aspects which I factored into my decision. I explained that this move is not about politics. It certainly is not about choosing the American “system” over Russia. This decision is about family. 

Nevertheless, I got even more negative responses–most of which questioned either my intellect or motives. And even after I mentioned responses that I had gotten that were based on misreadings of my blogs, I got some that were even worse. One guy reminded me that I had moved to America in 2008 to start a new business and that business failed. How could I want to move there again, he wondered! He also referred to my late wife having to persuade me to move back to Russia. 

The truth is I have never started a new business; I have never thought about starting a new business. I never wrote anything about starting a business. I ended up taking a job at a business where my brother had been half-owner for years. The business did not fail. My wife and I were of “one spirit” on moving to Russia from the beginning. No element of “persuasion” ever entered our discussions. 

It’s responses like this one that make writing a blog unpleasant. I understood when I would get anti-Russian responses to my earlier blogs. The news that people were hearing in the West about Russia presented Russia as a terrible place. I think some Americans liked that idea. For me to write that such presentations were and are completely false challenged their presuppositions. They wanted very much to believe Vladimir Putin is a dictator, who answers only to a bunch of Russian oligarchs. They saw on the news that life here is awful! 

My first hand knowledge of the changes I saw here from 2002 (when I first visited here) to now upset their worldview. I tried to show them they were wrong based on my experience. They continued to assert that they knew Russia better than I, although they were the ones who had never lived here. What really confused me were the ones who took to social media to call Joe Biden a liar over many issues, but they believed everything he said about Russia. 

Now, however, some “pro-Russian” readers are determined to paint my move to America as me siding with the Russophobes. I grew so frustrated I almost came to the point of just not writing anymore. What kept me going were others who motivated me to keep writing whatever my detractors said. Many wrote that they really want to hear my reactions to moving back to the U.S. They completely understood that this move is about being with my children, my grandchildren and other close relatives and friends. It is about seeing that broad smile on my little daughter’s face when she talks about being with her family in America again. She can still remember how we all got together and had such good times. 

The Road Ahead. So, if all goes well, we will be in the United States soon. As I have stated more than once, I have no rose colored glasses on when it comes to my view of life in America. In my opinion, since we moved here in 2016, America is in far worse shape politically, economically and socially. I have made preparations as best I can. 

The issue of personal relationships can cut both ways, however. While I know we will be received with great joy by some, there are others who were close to us who, because of my positive presentation of life here in Russia, have left me wondering how things will go overall. Things have changed in some relationships. For example, we loved our Orthodox Church there. When we moved here, missing those folks was one of the most difficult parts. Nevertheless, I have gotten some very nasty responses from some folks there. At one point, a member of the church there wrote to me and told me I needed to block these people who were attacking me. He essentially said, “Hal, you laid out why you believe the Strategic Military Operation was justified. They are not reading or not responding to what you stated. They just hate Russia.” So I took his advice and blocked them. When we go back, I am determined not to cause division in the congregation, even if that means we must go to another congregation. 

I see the problems from travel to relationships and friendships as being related to the larger issue of the deep division between Russia and America. I maintain that the division was intentionally created by “leaders” in the U.S.  I really am caught between the two worlds. I have chosen not to dwell on that division as we go home. My family and real friends are waiting. No one is going to rob Marina and me of the joy of being with these people. Let the folks in D.C. or wherever say what they will: We are doing our best to make it back.

AN INTERESTING ENCOUNTER

In this blog I’m taking a break from my updates, since we are now in a waiting period until Marina’s passport comes to us. When we were in Moscow we had what was one of the most interesting encounters I have ever had with a stranger. It went beyond “interesting” I think. It bordered on mystical. 

I mentioned that after the devastating news that we could not fly out of Russia I called my friend Fr. Seraphim Bell. He had a friend, Yulia, who immediately got us a room for the night. Then he called a lady named Sophia who had worked in the area of immigration who advised us to go back to Luga to secure Marina’s passport. We stayed two nights in the hotel in Moscow resting up and getting ready to return to Luga. My former Russian tutor, who now lives in Moscow, came over and had dinner with us and helped me get reservations for our flight back to St. Petersburg. 

I also indicated that the airport Domodedovo was large and intimidating for us. Nevertheless Marina and I managed to find the place to get our boarding passes and check our baggage for the flight to St, Petersburg. We waited in a rather long line for a few minutes before taking our turn. When I placed my big suitcase on the scales, I was not clear on exactly what the lady at the counter said, but I understood that she was not going to check the large suitcase on the plane.  She also would not let me put my backpack and Marina’s old suitcase on either. We simply got out of line and moved away so others could pass and so I could find out from Marina what she said exactly. 

We moved away from that area, and Marina told me she thought the lady said my big suitcase was too heavy. We would have to wait until everyone else checked in to see if there was room for it. She also said my backpack and the old suitcase would need special permission. We were both confused. As she had done several times over those two days, Marina said, “Daddy, please pray.” I did. I bent down to her, and I prayed right there in the middle of the airport. 

As I completed my prayer we turned towards where we thought the place for special luggage was. We really had no idea where we were going. At that moment I heard a voice behind us, “Sir, do you speak English?” I turned to see a lady coming towards us. I had not seen her in the line. I said “Yes, I’m an American.” She said, “I don’t think your daughter correctly understood what was said.” The lady spoke English with very little accent, and it was not a Russian accent. 

I was surprised the lady even heard anything because I had been standing in that line for 5 minutes and had not seen her. She looked Asian, and seemed to be in her early fifties. Later, when I asked her name and she told me, she must have seen that I looked confused. She said “Don’t worry, I’m Asian. Most people can’t say my name.” 

She then told me that the lady at the counter had said my big suitcase weighed too much. It weighed 24 kilograms and the limit for one item is 23 kilograms. I needed to take one kilo out of the big bag and put it in one of the others. She also said my backpack is not really a suitcase, and it needs to go to “Specialized Luggage,” along with the old non-standard suitcase. I will have to pay more. I thanked her profusely and then began getting clothes out of the big suitcase and putting them in another one. I have been in Russia for over 10 years, but I still think in terms of pounds and ounces. I had no idea how many shirts make one kilogram. But when I got what I thought was enough transferred into the other bags, we went back to get in line. 

We were standing at the end of the line again when I heard a voice, “Come up here!” I looked and it was my Asian friend calling me to come to the counter. We moved to get in front of everyone and when I put my big bag on the scales it was only 19 kilograms. After checking in two of our suitcases, the lady at the counter typed in information on my other two non-standard bags and sent us away with the stubs to pay. My new friend volunteered to show us where to go. I gladly accepted. 

When we got to the “Specialized Luggage” desk there were about 15 Russian soldiers in line. Actually they were not exactly in line. They were chatting with each other in small circles. I guess military baggage is mostly non-standard as well. I was worried as to how long this would take. My lady friend then stepped up and addressed the soldiers in Russian. I have no idea what she said. But when she finished the soldiers moved aside and motioned to me to go forward. I went to the head of the line. Even the one soldier already at the counter moved aside and motioned for me to go before him. I gave the lady my tickets and paid the bill. After thanking the soldiers, I put the two bags into an elevator to be taken to the plane. 

My new friend then said to come with her and she would show us to the proper area to board our plane. We went up one level and around some corners until we arrived at area “D.” She said the specific gate for our flight was not listed yet. She showed me where to look and told me that when the specific gate is shown, we should go there for boarding. 

By this time I was very confused about my new friend. So I asked her if she worked for a specific airline or did she work for the airport. She said, “Oh, I don’t work here. I’m just a passenger and my plane is starting to board now. I’m sorry but I must hurry off.” Shocked, I responded, “Thank you so much. You have been a true answer to prayer and messenger from God!” She smiled broadly, thanked me, and then quickly moved away. 

I asked Marina if she had seen the lady standing in line when we arrived to check our luggage. She said, “No, daddy. I think she came from the sky.” I immediately thought of the Scripture that speaks of “entertaining angels unaware.” I said to Marina, “She appeared right after we prayed.” Marina remembered that. Of course, I know some will say it was a coincidence, but I recall the words of William Temple, Archbishop of Canterbury, years ago: “When I pray, coincidences happen; when I don’t, they don’t.” 

We had had many prayers answered until we got to Russian Customs. Then the  prayers seem to fall on deaf ears. I will never forget poor Marina sobbing in that lounge. I reminded her then that we do not always get the answer we want. We remember especially at this time of year that even Jesus’ prayer that the cup of suffering be removed was not answered in the way he willed. He surrendered to the Father’s will. 

As we boarded our plane and prepared to return home, I was grateful for what we had experienced. Of course I am glad we did not miss our flight because of the confusion over the luggage. But I saw the responsibility I now have for helping others. Frustration and disappointment cause some of us to turn completely on our own needs and issues. That sweet lady showed me how much help one person can be to others. Again, to employ religious terminology, it was time for me to “go and do likewise.” 

LIVING IN LIMBO: PERSONAL & INTERNATIONAL

I got a couple of requests that I keep folks updated on our uncertain situation as we await moving from Russia to America. I also have not mentioned much about the international situation lately, and I thought I would briefly mention events that could impact us, but I will not go into detail.

As I stated in my last blog we have submitted the application for Marina to receive a Russian passport that allows her to cross the borders of Russia. The 30 day period ends on Friday, April 5. I hope perhaps it gets returned a little early, as did my Russian passport when I applied. We are “in limbo” in the sense that we are not certain of the date we can leave. We are not uncertain about the need to move to the U.S. I feel more confident than ever that this is the right move. Nevertheless, I will not order the tickets until we have her passport in hand. 

I have tried to take care of what I can in the meantime. There were some things that I left undone before. First, I packed in a hurry. I have rethought things and decided to leave some clothes I had packed and take more books. I am an old professor that has a special relationship with my books. I cannot take all I want to take, but I will take as many as possible. I can replace my clothes easier than I can replace my books. 

I have also gotten my account with Sberbank straightened out. After the hacking, they stopped my credit card. I really didn’t care since we were leaving. Now we will be here for a bit, and I need it. I can also leave the card with Oksana’s parents. My Russian pension and social supplement (that I receive as a widowed parent) are on direct deposit to Sberbank. It is not a lot of money, but it will help them take care of Gabriel. Also honesty compels me to let readers know that the hacking was not a true computer hack. Further investigation found Gabriel had shared my account information with an older friend who then got into my account. I can’t blame the stereotypical Russian hackers for an inside job like that. 

I also went back to my dentist. I had gone to him for a check up, and he had started to work on my teeth, but then we decided to leave before I could follow up. So I went to him earlier in the week. He told me I had three cavities. He filled the first one on Tuesday and said he would do the other two the next day. I posted on Facebook that he filled that one tooth and charged me the equivalent of $22.00. I got quite a number of shocked responses from my Facebook friends! They could not believe I got a tooth filled for $22.00. When I went the next day he said he was going to do more than fill the two other teeth. One tooth needed a pin, and he wanted to “seal” the others. I don’t understand what that means in English, and I certainly did not understand the Russian. 

He began by giving me 4 shots of Novocain–one on each side and both upper and lower jaws. I was surprised and wondered what he was planning. He and his assistant went over every tooth in my mouth. They cleaned, they drilled, filled and did other things that I could not see. I have never had so many hands in my mouth at one time in my life. After about an hour and a half he finally finished, although his assistant continued working on me for a few minutes. She was trying to do something between my teeth. I was exhausted. 

I met this dentist through Roman. When Roman lived here he went to the gym to work out with weights, and that is where he met the dentist. He is a dentist and a bodybuilder. I wrote Roman afterwards that his buddy had really put me through it in the dentist chair. Roman said the dentist had written him and said he decided to take care of everything that I could possibly need in the future since I was leaving for America. He charged me the equivalent of $92.00. As I said about the $22 for the filling: I’m gonna miss this. 

So now we wait. Marina is having a good time with friends. She went to stay at a friend’s house yesterday for 5 hours. She played with her two best friends there. Tonight she is spending the night with Oksana’s mom. She and I talk a lot about our move to America, but I am trying to make it a productive time for me and a fun time for her. She told me this morning that our trip to Moscow that didn’t work out as we planned made her love her daddy more than ever. So it was not a failed trip. 

Reactions. I mentioned in my last blog that I was encouraged by the number of responses on Facebook and on my WordPress site from people who assured me of their prayers and best wishes. I had gotten a few negative responses from people who thought I was making the wrong decision to come back to America. I stated that I had not gone into all the details of our life here, and that I would not reveal everything as of yet just to respond to critics. Nevertheless, I got more responses than ever discouraging me from moving–most of which were either condescending or rude. 

The main point they made is that I am a “fool,” as one writer put it, because I don’t understand how good I have it in Russia or how bad things are in America. I think anyone who has been a regular reader of mine would realize that I am very much aware of many of the wrongs about America. In the last blog I posted how I am preparing for the economic stresses of life in America, as well as the educational and social pressures on my daughter. One friend called me this week and told me just to delete all those negative messages by people who have never met me.

I would add it was clear to me that several of the people who responded so negatively had not read my blog carefully. For example, I mentioned our American passports in my blog twice, and one person asked if my daughter had an American passport. One earlier critic said it was clear Marina Grace was not my “real” daughter. Maybe he can’t father children at this age, but he shouldn’t assume all of us have those limitations. 

I have no doubt that it is going to cost me far more to live in America than Russia. Here in Russia I don’t have to think about how much the groceries or the school clothes for the kids will cost or how much the doctor will charge. I can pay for everything fine on my Social Security. It will not be like that in America. I am going to copy what I wrote on my Facebook page when someone else asked if I was really ready for the costs of living in America. I stated: 

“I can save money by staying in Russia. But what are the costs of staying? My grandchildren will gradually forget what the sound of my voice is like. I won’t be there to watch them open Christmas or birthday presents that I bought for them. Little Marina will not be able to go to school where she knows her big brother has an office down the hall and will make sure she is safe. I won’t be able to get together and chat with a best friend like I could in America with my buddy Walter. I’ll never sit on the beach at the island near Charleston with my brother and his family and watch the gators play in the sunset. So yeah, dental appointments & a lot of other things are much cheaper here. But the cost of staying now would be so high in ways that money can’t touch.”  

International events. As always I have to keep an eye on what is going on internationally because Russia is so often the scapegoat for whatever the U.S. leaders want to do. I do fear those events could impact our travel. The main problem is, of course, Ukraine. I will briefly comment on the situation in Ukraine. 

The best news to come out of Ukraine is that Victoria Nuland resigned or retired. Whether she “jumped or was pushed” is a question Judge Nap has asked all his guests. Larry Johnson believes she resigned because she saw the support for Ukraine beginning to waver, and she did not want to be a part of what was going to happen. Ray McGovern, and others, believe she was pushed out because the policies she wanted in place are clearly not working. America is in a very tough position because after the fall of Avdeyevka, and it is clear to many that Ukraine simply cannot win no matter what the U.S. and NATO provide–although few will say that openly. Nuland’s plan failed miserably.

Ritter thinks it was a bit of both. I tend to agree. I think she saw things were going bad, and there was simply not enough support to send in troops. Ukraine is not just out of money and low on weapons. Ukraine does not have the men to continue the fight. I know some say it really won’t matter that she’s gone. Biden still claimed in his State of the Union speech the U.S. would not walk away from Ukraine. I say that Nuland being gone is good no matter what. The woman loves war and will push and manipulate until she gets it. But she is gone. 

There were several factors I think, and they do give me some grounds for hope–although I never underestimate the U.S. love of war. First, Kurt Campbell was appointed Deputy Secretary of State, and Nuland had been “Acting” Deputy Secretary of State. She got passed over. Campbell is a hardcore supporter of Taiwan against China. Some say that the U.S. leaders will use China as an excuse to get out of Ukraine. Further, Joe Bass was named to fill Nuland’s position for now. Joe Bass was Ambassador to Afghanistan when the U.S. quietly pulled out of Afghanistan. I am a bit afraid to hope, but Col. MacGregor believes the U.S. now wants to “disengage” from Ukraine. I don’t like the idea of the U.S. trying to go after China now, but preparing to disengage from Ukraine sure would make our departure less stressful. 

This is certainly not a full discussion of the Ukrainian situation. I hope to return to this issue, as well as Gaza, in a later blog. For now,  I simply wanted to update some folks on our situation. Thank you for your prayers.

STUCK IN COLDER WEATHER

This blog entry is a follow up to my last blog on our experience of being detained in Russia because my daughter did not have a Russian travel passport–a passport that allows one to cross the borders of Russia. As I said we thought that since we were traveling on our American passports that such a passport was not necessary for a child traveling with a parent. I had both my U.S. and Russian travel passports. I also had an official document authorized here in Russia stating I am the father of Marina. 

I indicated that we were advised to return to Luga to get her passport application done here. They already have her registered here and all pertinent information is on file here in Luga. We were told both by the Russian Customs official and Sophia, whom I mentioned in my last blog, that while the normal time to process the application is 30 days, we could pay extra to have it expedited to 3 days. 

Unfortunately when we went to the office here in Luga, they knew nothing of the possibility of the expedited process. So the process will take the normal 30 days. The good news is that we were successful in getting the application done, thanks to my interpreter, Katya, who filled out the application. All my documents were in order, and the lady who reviewed the application indicated the process should go smoothly. 

While we were disappointed that there was no possibility to expedite the process, we felt good overall that everything is now in order. I will also seek to secure Oksana’s death certificate to make sure they know I am the only parent. I am trying to cover all bases. 

So we are now waiting until the passport is processed. I knew I needed some extra time. I need to transfer some more money, since I got no refund from the company who sold me the tickets for the failed trip. There are a few small other things I need to take care of and pack more carefully for our trip home. I wish we could leave sooner, but Marina Grace and I are not depressed. I will admit when my brother told me the temperature in South Carolina is now up to 70 degrees Fahrenheit, which is over 21 degrees Celsius, I did get a bit envious. I saw the same envious expression on Marina’s face when I told her it was over 20 degrees in South Carolina. Hence the title of my blog entry mentions colder weather. (I admit I stole that line from a song by one of my favorite country groups, the Zac Brown Band.) 

REACTIONS. I got several different reactions from my last blog that I’ll mention. First, there were so many supportive comments on my Facebook page where I posted the blog and on my WordPress site as well. It’s interesting and encouraging the way many people have been so gracious and understanding. So many people assured me that we are in their daily prayers. 

I was a bit surprised at a few of my Russian friends who were not pleased that their government would not let us leave. One friend was very angry. He could not believe his government would stop two Americans who have their U.S. passports from returning home. On the other hand, I did get about 3 responses from folks who had traveled this way and confirmed that it is a requirement. 

Frankly, I wasn’t sure we were treated fairly. It took the Custom officials over 40 minutes to make a decision. They kept coming to me with questions and then returning to talk it over. My own opinion is that the proper processes for those who have dual citizenship have not been completely worked out. Dual U.S. and Russian citizenship was not made legal until late 2020. I have been told by American friends who got theirs earlier that it was possible. One told me that when he applied for Russian citizenship he had to write a letter to the U.S. embassy stating that he wished to revoke his U.S. citizenship. But the U.S. embassy charged a fee for you to do that. If you didn’t pay, then they did not revoke your citizenship. But the Russians didn’t know or care. They allowed him Russian citizenship because the letter was written. I didn’t want to try that since I am on Social Security. I got mine after the new law was passed. 

We were very disappointed not to be allowed to leave and, as I indicated in my last blog, Marina was in tears. The officials did stop the plane from taking off until they had unloaded our suitcases, however, so I did appreciate that. 

PLANNING AHEAD. Of those Americans who responded positively, there was also often a kind of warning. Many read something like, “Hal, we are so glad you and Marina are coming and we pray the process will go well now–but you do understand you are coming home to a different country.” That is, many warned me that things are not well in America. Many of them mentioned how awful inflation is and how awful America is right now in many ways. 

Others were concerned about the horrible and immoral conditions of public schools. One dear friend from my high school days told me she had retired from teaching, but the way the trans- agenda is being pushed is sickening. Several stated the public schools are in the hands of the woke politicians, and a good education is no longer possible in the U.S. Some, not many, went so far as to tell me I am simply wrong for going back. They were very critical of the fact I would take my daughter back to the U.S. which is so morally depraved. One lady responded that she hoped Marina would “sober up” about going back to America. 

Let me offer a few points in response.  First, I am not going back unaware that the economy of America is in shambles. It is bad and probably will get worse. I have stated in several blogs how wonderful it is to live here economically. I see prices posted for things on social media; Americans tell me what they pay for things. Last week I posted that my hot water heater had died while we were gone. My friend Sergey the plumber came out the day after we got back. He drained and removed the old heater; he then brought in a new one and installed it. The cost of the new heater was the equivalent of $157.55 and Sergey’s labor charge was $32.85. So I got a new water heater installed and the old one removed for less than $200–all in one day. He asked me how much it would cost in the U.S. So I posted it on Facebook and asked. Every estimate was far above what I paid. One lady’s husband owns a dealership and she said at least $700 for a new one and at least $400 for labor. Many others reported paying much more than that. 

I am also aware of the woke agenda in the education system in the U.S., although it is apparently even worse than I thought. I have stated many times that for those of us who hold to the “traditional values” and do not believe it is the task of the educational system in the country to introduce ideas about gender change to children, Russia is a far better place if children are in public schools. 

I would add another difficulty that no one brought up. I hate going back to a country that is a democracy in name only as far as I can tell. I do not believe Joe Biden got more votes in 2020 than anyone ever has in a U.S. presidential election. I don’t trust “the system” for the next election. I don’t say that as a Trump fan. I say that as someone who sees a man who is President of the United States even though he can hardly complete one sentence without a teleprompter and stumbles around trying to to figure out how to get off the stage.

On issues of great importance there is, in my opinion, practically no difference between Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell as majority and minority leaders in the Senate. They are both liars. I could go on about the many U.S. politicians and their lies about Russia, but I think I have written enough on that in previous blogs. 

My chief concern right now is that the U.S. leaders–whoever the real decision makers are–will decide to get the country in a world war just because they can’t admit they were dead wrong about Russia and Ukraine. The leaders of the U.S. have convinced me that they do not care what happens to the “people of the land.” They care about their own money and power being preserved. That is my big fear. They would go to war before they would jeopardize their own futures. 

So how can I still go back? First, I have tried to make budget plans as best I can. I have money from the inheritance my mom and dad left. It isn’t millionaire status, but it is enough for me to settle us in and get housing and transportation. Second, we will be staying with my brother and his wife when we first get back until we find our own place. My sister-in-law homeschooled her kids and says she is ready and willing to work with Marina in getting her ready for school. My oldest son is the Chief Academic Officer in a Classical Christian School near our hometown. Marina is very excited about going to a school where her brother has been the principal and is now leading the academic programs. She has struggled so much emotionally in the schools here. I don’t know why. Obviously, the grief over her mother and other factors I can’t go into have traumatized her. To see her excited about going to school again greatly warms my heart. 

As far as the political system in America, I will try to accept that there is nothing I can do to change that system. I have been encouraged by some readers who have told me that having lived so long in Russia will give me a voice that will help change people on a local level. I have no political aspirations or delusions. I do think that my background will give me an opportunity for input in some way. 

Conclusion. I have made clear that I have given up on predicting the future. When we moved here 8 years ago I would never have dreamed of the future that lay ahead. I have thought and prayed, and I believe that I am doing what is right and good for us right now. Marina and I both need family. I will not go the rest of my life without the joy of family simply out of fear of what could happen.

I have not gone into some details about our life here. It would be inappropriate. So for those of you who think you need to instruct me on what I should do with my life, I respectfully request that you remember you don’t know all the details of my life and my daughter’s life. I do not feel compelled to justify my decision to you. 

Second, since I don’t know the future I clearly do not pretend to know if we will stay in America for good. Marina says she wants to. She is a child who went through more pain than I can imagine at an early age. We may both change our minds. We will still be Russian citizens.

Since we visited America six years ago both my wife and mother have died. I have never been able to regain my emotional balance since then–neither has Marina. I mentioned that about a year after Oksana died, several people told me that I should remarry. It would be better for Marina and me. It never happened. I neither sought a new relationship nor shied away from one. But the fact is I remain a single father. I have to try as best I can to do what is best for us. Right now, I think the emotional security of being around my sons, my grandchildren, my brother and others is what we both need. The future is in God’s hands.

OUR FAILED ATTEMPT TO GET TO AMERICA

I want to give an extended update on our failed attempt to move to the U.S. When I wrote my last blog, Marina and I were packing and getting ready to leave Russia. So we said goodbye to Gabriel and Oksana’s folks last Thursday morning before taking the taxi to the airport in St. Petersburg. 

Upon arrival at the airport, we soon got our boarding passes and our baggage checked and loaded. We then took the two hour flight to Moscow. It was very difficult finding our way around once we got inside. Domodedovo airport seemed huge to us. We had to get all our luggage and then find our way around. Eventually we found the right place to get our tickets for our next destination, which was Casablanca, after which we would fly to Miami. The flight was to leave at 7:35 a.m., but we were told check-in started at 4:00 a.m. I won’t go into details, but Marina was having to interpret the directions for me because the Russians who work at the airport either could not speak English at all or spoke it poorly. I wanted Marina to interpret because I did not trust my Russian for the important details.

We were able to stay in the “Aerotel,” as it is called. They have small, private rooms to allow sleep during layovers. The price was reasonable, but we slept very little. Check-in, we discovered, was actually 4:35  a.m.. We were able to get our tickets not only to Casablanca, but also on to Miami. The lady also checked our luggage to Miami. We felt great because handling the luggage was tough for the two of us. 

We assumed all was well until we tried to get through Customs. The young lady at the booth for parents and children was literally asleep on her job when we got there. We had reserved our tickets on our American passports.  They lady saw on the papers that we had traveled to and from America in 2018. She wanted to see our Russian passports. I gave her mine, but Marina has no passport. I was told children did not receive passports until they were teens. That was how it worked with Gabriel.  

At this point I need to explain that there is a big difference for Americans in the language used about passports in Russia. Russians, including myself, have two passports. The first is domestic (or internal) and functions more like an ID. You use it to prove your identity the same way we use a drivers license in America. The domestic passport in Russia proves you are here legally, and all citizens have them. (They take legal immigration seriously here in Russia.)

Some Russians also have what I call a Travel Passport. They are not mandatory. You use it to go in and out of the country. My assumption was that children did not get one of those either. I had my passports (U.S. and Russian), Marina’s U.S. passport, and I had an apostille translation of Marina’s birth certificate proving I was her father. Those had been all I needed to get the tickets and boarding passes. In fact, I never had to show my Russian passport. 

I will  not go into the long and painful interaction with the Russian Custom officials. The young lady went and got her supervisors. They said Marina could not leave Russia because she did not have a travel passport.  I explained our situation, and we even called Oksana’s mom who tried to convince the officials to let us go. Nothing  worked. 

Marina went from ecstatic that we were going to America to sobbing. I wanted to cry myself. One problem again was language. They used technical language that Marina did not understand. The officials we met also said different things. One said Marina needed a visa while others said a passport. 

Finally the man who appeared to be the supervisor came to us and explained things carefully. The problem was that even a Russian child has to have a Russian travel passport to leave the country. We had not been told this by any Russians we knew or by the airline people who gave us our tickets and boarding passes. 

We left disheartened and confused. I wrote Fr. Seraphim Bell, an American priest I have mentioned before who lives in Moscow. I told him we have no idea what to do or where to go. Fr. Seraphim asked that we let him check around for help. Marina began to feel better. She kept asking me to pray, and I did–many times. 

Fr. Seraphim got back with me after some time. He had contacted a lady named Yulia who works with a large hotel company. She was in a meeting, but called him back afterwards. He explained the situation to her. She reserved a room for us at the hotel where she works. It was a long way from the airport, but we gladly accepted. I got a taxi at the airport, and Marina and I made the long trip with our luggage. We finally figured out which hotel to enter (there were several). I don’t know if it was Yulia, but the person at the counter said she had talked to Fr. Seraphim. She had misunderstood and thought I had more children, but I told her it was just Marina and I and we did not need extra beds as she thought. She asked if a room with one large bed would be sufficient. I said yes and we would stay one night. She told me the price was the equivalent of $48 dollars a night. So I said we would stay two nights. I really wondered if we would need more. The room is very nice. I can’t believe we got this room for the price we did.

After getting into the room I contacted another person recommended by Fr. Seraphim named Sophia. Actually Fr. Seraphim’s wife sent me the contact info. He said she was not a lawyer but would probably know how to get information on what to do. 

Sophia called me as soon as I wrote to her. She told me what she believed was correct information, but she said that she wanted to confirm it with a lawyer in that area. She called back and said the information was correct. 

Marina must have a Russian travel passport. You can get those in Moscow, but she recommended we go back to Luga where we are registered. When you move to a city in Russia you don’t just change your mailing address at the post office. You go to the city office and register. They combine a lot of information on you. Sophia said it would be easier to do this in Luga, because they already have the information needed to get the application in for the passport. I would also perhaps need to provide a death certificate showing the mother is deceased. While getting a new passport normally takes at least a month, you can pay extra for an “urgent” request which normally takes 3 days. It is still not all that expensive. The lawyer she spoke with said with what documents I have, if I get the Travel Passport for Marina and the death certificate then there should be no problem. 

You have no idea how long all these events which I have just described took and the emotional toll they took on Marina and me. We had slept very little so we went to bed early last night and rested well. My little daughter is amazing. She recovered so well and began comforting me. We both did not want to have to go back to Luga, but that is the best option. My former Russian tutor lives in Moscow, and she is coming this afternoon (Saturday) to help me arrange a flight back to St. Petersburg Sunday. Then we will take a taxi to Luga. Monday we hope to be at the office where Sophia directed us to get the application in for the passport. As an aside, plane tickets from Moscow to St. Petersburg are incredibly cheap. 

It looks like I will not get my money back from the travel company for the tickets we could not use, although I paid for insurance. They say the mistake was mine, not theirs. I lost a good bit of money on this mistake. I cannot dwell on that. But in the back of my mind all this time was whether I will have enough money to get to America anytime soon. It takes so long to get money transfers now! I had sent Roman some money he needed and also some to Oksana’s mom to pay expenses for keeping Gabriel. I had given her what she said she needed before we left, but I wanted to add more to that amount. Roman was able to send me some back and so did Svetlana, but I was still unsure. My oldest son in America contacted my “guy” Marcus who handles my transfers and explained the situation. Marcus told me last night he will expedite some money within 24 hours. I hope to get the remainder I may need later next week. So I felt better about our plan to get back to Luga, get the documents, and then plan our trip to South Carolina again. 

I will write more on my reflections on these events in another blog. I am not mentally rested enough to go on. Please forgive any grammatical and spelling mistakes because of my mental fatigue and, more importantly, I have not yet had my first cup of coffee! But with all sincerity I say thank you to the many people who sent me messages of your prayers, concerns, and best wishes. I am amazed. Truly amazed. Thank you so much.

PONDERING WHILE PACKING

There are different reasons I write blog entries. Some of them, especially of late, have been to address what I believe are media distortions concerning the Ukrainian conflict or other newsworthy topics related to Russia. Other entries focused on informing the reader about what life is like in Russia based on my family’s experiences here. Some are even more personal because over time a few readers have read about my family and like the updates. Then there are those posts that are more emotional catharses than anything else. I sometimes need to write to get things “off my chest” whether anyone reads the entry or not. This entry is personal and is written with much emotion.

As I write this blog entry we are finishing our packing for our move to the U.S. Marina’s best friend Vika just came over for one more visit. My friend, Andrey, came over yesterday morning and helped me get the tickets on-line. I don’t think I could have navigated the Russian site without him. I really planned on waiting longer before we moved, but my money transfer came through, and then Marina asked why do we need to wait any longer. She wants to get to the U.S. and settle in now. She’s anxious to get into school. I thought I could save some money buying the tickets well ahead of time, but it really made no difference, so there is no reason to wait. We leave Thursday, Feb. 29 in the morning to get to the airport in St. Petersburg for our flight at 2:00 p.m. We will fly to Moscow and will have to spend the night there. Then we fly from Moscow to Casablanca, then to Miami and, after another night’s stay, we will head to our destination of Charlotte, N.C. We are to arrive at 8:43 a.m. on Saturday. Quite a trip for an old daddy and his 9 year old daughter. 

As I expected, many readers were greatly surprised when they read my earlier blog that we are moving. I had some kind responses, and many wished me well. Some of my American friends said they look forward to seeing us, but they warned me that the U.S. is not the same country we left 8 years ago. I know that is true, but experiencing the differences will probably still be strange. And I received a few negative responses. The most negative I got was from a Russian woman I’ve never met. She went to school with Oksana. She doesn’t know me or my family, but she is sure they are just faking their love for Marina over the phone. Some expressed concerns about the cultural values and morals in the U.S. and the impact they could have on Marina. Of course, that will be a cultural battle that I, like many parents, will have to fight. 

I think I was clear in my earlier blog that I am not going back to America wearing the proverbial rose-colored glasses. I am leaving a traditional and stable culture in Russia to return to a culture that has, in general, long abandoned the traditional values with which I was raised. I am also going back to a country where the cost of living is far above what it is in Russia.

Looking at America from a distance has caused me to take off those rose colored glasses. I cannot be duped into believing, “Oh, it’s like this everywhere.” I saw a Facebook post on “Premeditated Ignorance,” i.e., the deliberate unawareness of what is going on in the world. I think having lived in Russia and having Russian citizenship gives me an opportunity–or “platform” as one of my readers put it–to combat the ignorance.

Obviously I am also looking forward to being with my family, old colleagues, friends and church members who can support me, as I hope to support them. Furthermore, I think these two and a half years as a single daddy, while extremely painful, have helped me. I will be able to watch out for the places my daughter goes and the friends she keeps. It is difficult for me to get involved in the social activities that surround school events and other social occasions here in Russia. If Oksana were still here it would be no problem, but I must face the situation as it is, not as I wish it to be.  

I have missed that with Gabriel. Gabriel’s mother died when he was 13 years old after fighting cancer for almost 2 years. Puberty is hard enough on a kid without seeing your mother slowly weaken and die and realize your dad is simply struggling to get by the best way he can in a foreign land. Gabe made some bad choices, and the fact I was out of the “social loop” made it worse. Of course, my family members in the U.S. will again remind me of my own bad decisions at that age–and mine can’t be blamed on grief or cultural confusion. 

As I said in my earlier blog, I let Gabriel know that he could move with us or stay with his grandparents. He really has his heart set on college next year, so he is staying. I got criticism for that from some readers, but I really think Gabriel would have a hard time going back to America. Strangely enough, I think this time of having to answer to his grandparents will be good for him. He learned to keep me in the dark about things that I sadly only discovered much later. He plans on joining us in America this summer, and we shall see how it goes. 

 There is, of course, some grief in moving. I see some of Oksana’s things as I pack up. And of course that memory of our move from South Carolina to Russia in 2016 is still there. As I told a friend earlier this week, we had a clear sense of direction that this was the right thing to do. I could retire early, and we were still fine financially in Russia. I believed (correctly) that coming here would give me time to spend with Marina before she started to school. It was sad saying goodbye to my mom and brother at the airport, but the 5 of us got on the plane excited with anticipation. And we were not disappointed after we got moved. It was just as good as I had hoped.

Obviously, things are different now. It’s just Marina and me going back. I have never believed we should just follow our feelings. I took a long rational look at the positive and negative aspects of the move. Something even deeper in me said this is the right decision. I was riding in a taxi yesterday and as we passed familiar places I no longer felt like I belonged. Marina has expressed that same rather weird feeling. As Blaise Pascal famously said, “The heart has reasons that the reason knows not of.” 

I have a strong sense that it is the right thing to do, but I can’t say I feel excitement about living in my home country. It’s hard to explain, but the images are flipped. Russia provides traditional families with a strong and good cultural base. There are people who have different views, but the culture overall supports the “men are men and  women are women” line of thinking. The Orthodox Church and its leaders are, generally speaking, well respected. I don’t think I will find that in much of American culture. Furthermore, the economy is good. Prices are way below what I’ll have to battle with in the U.S. 

On the other hand, I have no family here except my kids. I have a few friends at church, but no one I’m really close to or with whom I can “hang out.” Almost no one I meet daily in Luga can speak English. I know I am a foreigner and the burden was on me to learn the language here. I did the best I could for an old guy. But it gets frustrating never being able to relax and chat–the way I could with Oksana. Despite being from Russia, she had lived in the U.S. for 8 years and was fluent in the language before we moved there. She knew “my world.” I have had some stressful times with her mom. We don’t see things the same way, especially regarding Marina, and I do not see that stress decreasing in the future. Oksana is not here to explain or mediate. It is something I would have to live with, and I am choosing not to live with it. Life is too short for our turf battles.

I have had a number of folks request that I continue the blog. They want to see what my impressions are after living out of the U.S. for 8 years. Living in Russia and going through all the experiences has certainly changed me. I see things differently of course. Some of those things are political. The U.S. has bigger liars in Washington, D.C. than I ever dreamed. Watching and listening as they painted Russia as the big, bad enemy who wants to take over the West caused me to rethink some things–politically and otherwise.

I also see at a very personal level the brevity of life. We cannot “assume upon tomorrow.” That was the really painful lesson. I have thrown off naivete about life and the “it couldn’t happen to me” mentality. I don’t know how much longer I have on this earth. But the best life for now is to be close with family and friends. If Marina had not been so anxious to move back I would never have taken this step. But Russia became a place of trauma for her. I have finally concluded it would be helpful to both her and me to leave. Russia is a great country with some excellent leaders. I have learned to admire so many things about this culture. Nevertheless, both daddy and daughter sense the call to return to my other world.

NOTES ON TUCKER CARLSON’S INTERVIEW & THE DEATH OF ALEXEI NAVALNY

There is a lot to write about from Russia! With the preparations I am doing for our upcoming move to the U.S. I am not able to do a deep dive into anything right now. I will summarize what I see as the highlights from Tucker Carlson’s interview with President Putin, then some thoughts on the death of Alexei Navalny. I will follow up soon with a post on our plans to move back to the States. Also, I will post links at the end of this blog for further reading. 

TUCKER CARLSON’S INTERVIEW WITH PUTIN. This interview has been the big news, of course. To say the interview drew big numbers is an understatement. Larry Johnson did a video just a couple of days after the interview, and he reviewed the numbers. At that time the interview had 198 million views just on Twitter–not counting YouTube and TikToc. For comparison he said that is more than CNN, MSNBC, and FoxNews get in three months! 

I agree with most of the people I watch on Judging Freedom, e.g. Larry Johnson, Scott Ritter, and Ray McGovern, that Carlson was very courageous in doing the interview. As expected he was roundly criticized in much of the MSM and by people like Hillary Clinton, who called him a useful idiot, and Bill Kristol, who said he should not be allowed back in America. How dare he present a perspective on Russia and evil Putin that varies from the one established by the U.S. politicians and MSM!  According to this group, freedom of the press in the U.S stops at letting Americans actually hear Vladimir Putin’s perspective on the issues. Tucker Carlson was, to use an old Biblical term, anathematized by the American political establishment!  Obviously, many, many Americans ignored the denunciations and watched him. 

As far as the interview itself, I will first have to disagree with someone with whom I rarely disagree. Gilbert Doctorow had several negative comments in his article after the interview. First and foremost among his criticisms was that the interview was not edited. The opening comments by Putin on the historical background of the Ukrainian SMO went on for over 30 minutes. Doctorow believes a lot of viewers were lost. 

Putin did go on for quite some time, and I saw some comments on social media from folks who said that it was tough to get through that part. I wrote a comment on Doctorow’s site that I realize Americans are used to soundbites and talking points when they hear politicians in the U.S. Nevertheless, the history leading up to the present confrontation in Ukraine is quite complicated. I faced this when I wrote about it in my blogs on Ukraine. I was never satisfied that I gave enough background. Ukraine has not been a country very long, yet the history behind it is, well, long and dense. I mentioned in an earlier blog that after I read my first book on Ukrainian history I told a Ukrainian lady in our church (when we were still in America) that it seemed to me that Ukraine had two histories. As an aside, she taught in a local university. She said, “No, Hal, we really have four histories.” 

Editing such complicated material would be quite tedious. People were waiting anxiously for the interview to be posted. One has to strike while the proverbial iron is hot. Also, both Doctorow and I can write several entries over time on the conflict. We can break complicated issues up into chunks. Putin got one shot to let his American audience understand his position. He had to cover it all in that one interview. 

The other reason I stated I was opposed to editing is that editing can lead to mistrust. This mistrust is understandable given the unethical editing done on the interviews Megyn Kelly did with Putin some years ago. I saw the interviews as broadcasted by Fox and was quite disappointed in some of Putin’s responses. Some seemed antagonistic, authoritarian and just plain wrong. Later I saw the full unedited version of the interview posted on a Russian site. It was quite different from what Fox had shown! Answers had not just been edited, they were twisted and placed out of context. When was Carlson supposed to have time to oversee the editing of this interview which lasted over two hours?  

The responses I saw from Russians were that it was good to see no editing had been done. Regis Trembley did an interview with Stanislov Krapivik, and he (Krapivik) praised the lack of editing and also mentioned the interview Putin had done with Kelly–although he couldn’t remember her name and called her “Kelly Megyn.” I saw some posts by Russians on social media saying that they liked that the interview was shown without any editing. 

The sometimes complicated answers Putin gave also showed that the stories about him having cancer, on chemo, almost dead, were clearly fabrications. I think Americans needed to see and hear Putin as he is. He is a complicated thinker with an encyclopedic memory. The man goes on for 4 hours in press conferences. As with the interview, he never uses notes, never has to stop for consultation and certainly does not use a teleprompter. 

The other main criticism I saw of the interview was that Carlson seemed “out of his depth” on some issues he asked about. He certainly did not know the details of some issues. This was especially clear on his last question, which was the one I really was disappointed in. He asked about the possible release of journalist Evan Gershkovich. As Ritter, McGovern and others pointed out on Judging Freedom (and on other podcasts), the CIA has acknowledged that it uses journalists as “non-official journalistic cover.” Gershkovich went to Yekaterinburg, which is in a rather remote area, and obtained classified material on the Russian air defense missile production. Gershkovich had to know this was classified and sensitive information. He was certainly not getting this information for some obscure article he wanted to write. Most people on both sides believe this information was clearly to let the American military know what they would be up against. 

Further, Putin told Carlson they were in discussions that he referred to as “in channels” with their U.S. counterparts. This phrase indicates a possible tit-for-tat trade of prisoners involved in espionage from each country. I think this was the main point where Carlson’s lack of research was evident.  

As someone who lives here there were other places where it was clear to me that Carlson was not really knowledgeable. But I will say in his defense that he did not try to give the impression that he is a Russian expert. From the time he arrived in Moscow he made it clear this was his first trip here, and he was here to learn. So I admire his courage for reporting “against the grain” and being open to learning about Russia. 

Clearly his interview let Americans see a deep thinking president. Putin seemed relaxed and even made a few light hearted remarks. So despite the length and depth of his answers I think viewers could grasp some important aspects of Putin’s thoughts on the SMO in Ukraine. The main point, at least as I saw it, was that he informed the huge audience that he already was prepared to sign a negotiated agreement to end the conflict back in 2022 in Istanbul. The Ukrainian representatives put their initials on the documents and have stated they were ready to sign until Boris Johnson showed up to stop Zelensky and persuade him to continue to fight. It was clear that Putin was not against negotiating an agreement. I do not think Americans who were at least somewhat open minded came away from that interview thinking Putin was an obstinate warmonger who refused to talk or negotiate.

Overall Russians seemed to me to respond very well to Carlson and his interview. I saw many positive comments on social media and in several reports. And one personal anecdote reinforces my point. One day last week Gabriel came in from school, and I was on the computer watching comments on Tucker’s interview. Gabriel said, “Dad, all the kids at school are talking about what a great reporter Tucker Carlson is!” If a bunch of 9th graders in a Luga school are talking about him, then I think it is safe to say he is well liked in Russia. 

I would add that in my opinion it was a bad move for President Biden’s handlers to call a press conference just after the Putin interview. In his press conference we learned the DOJ had ruled that they would not bring charges against Biden for leaving classified material in a car in his garage. Essentially they said he was a kind but elderly man whose memory was bad. Biden seemed angry about that comment, but as he continued his answer he said he told El Sisi, the President of Mexico, to allow humanitarian aid into Gaza. The facts, as most people know, are that Mexico is not anywhere close to Gaza, and El Sisi is president of Egypt. The contrast between Putin’s command of history and Biden’s clueless statements on Gaza and Mexico seemed quite stark to me. 

Tucker’s Trip. I would encourage anyone who has not seen the short video clips of Tucker’s trip around Moscow to take the time to watch them if you have not been to Russia. I recommend the ones on the Metro system, the grocery store and the “Russian McDonalds.” They are quite funny, but they also let you see what it is like here. Obviously being a single dad who has to do a lot of shopping I was quite familiar with the shopping video. I also traveled a lot on the St. Petersburg Metro when we lived there. I had never ridden a “subway” in my life before I came to St. Petersburg. I was amazed. Tucker said he was, “Radicalized.” He made it clear that Moscow and Russia are not as they are usually portrayed in the Western media. To use one more phrase from Holy Scripture, I rise up and call him “Blessed” for that.

Alexei Navaly’s Death. I will address this event briefly, since many of the facts have not come out. Also I think some of my comments in the previous blog about Navalny being poisoned from Sept. 2020 that I reposted still remain valid. The main points I would contend are still appropriate. 

First, Alexei Navalny is NOT a leader of the opposition to Vladimir Putin. He strongly opposes Putin, but he is far from being the leader of much of anything. His party continues to poll at about 2% approval rating. The chief opposition to Vladimir Putin still comes from the Communist Party in Russia. Of course, it doesn’t fit the “narrative” in the U.S. to say the Communists are Putin’s main political adversaries. I rarely hear anyone here mention Navalny. He is not on the political radar screen. He certainly is no threat to Putin. U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken’s repeated statements that Putin “feared” Navalny say more about the stupidity and/or dishonesty of Blinken than about the actual situation here. 

Second, Biden’s comments that I saw on one network sum up the American political establishment’s view. He condemned Putin because he is sure that Putin had Navalny murdered. When asked how Navalny died, Biden said we don’t know that yet. We don’t even know how he died, but we already know who did it. There is an important pillar in the American judicial system: One is innocent until proven guilty. I believe that principle should apply to foreign leaders. If you don’t know how Navalny died, how can you know who did it? We all know it is because it fits the political narrative. It gets the attention away from Tucker Carlson’s interview with Putin and the Justice Department admitting the U.S. president would not be found guilty of violating storage of classified information because he is old and forgetful. Joe Biden had a lot more to gain from Alexei Navalny’s death than Vladimir Putin.

If any other person had used the racist language Alexei Navalny used in referring to those who were not “pure Russians” as “cockroaches” who needed to be shot, then obviously the U.S. would have loudly denounced him. It is far more important to the Biden administration and the military complex folks to oppose Putin than to oppose true racism.

I don’t know how Navalny died, and I don’t know who killed him–if, in fact, he was murdered. And we don’t know that yet either. The man had health problems. After the earlier poisoning there were references to his pancreatitis and diabetes. Nevertheless, I go back to what I stated in my last blog concerning what Navalny himself said. He is more of a threat to Putin dead than alive.

Navalny was not a political threat to Vladimir Putin’s re-election. Putin is back to an over 80% approval rating according to Levada. He is riding the crest of the super-popular interview with the most watched journalist in the United States; the Russian military has just raised the Russian flag over Avdeevka (aka Avdiivka). That was the fortified stronghold from which the Ukrainian military launched so many strikes against Donetsk. I am one who believes that only an idiot would think the Ukrainian military can recover from that defeat no matter how many billions Joe Biden sends. How would killing Navalny help Vladimir Putin? I see absolutely no motive for Putin to have Navalny killed.

As I indicated at the beginning of this post, I will soon publish another blog entry on the plans for Marina and I to move back to the U.S. I appreciate so many expressions of concern. That blog entry got far more views than the average for my little blog. I believe I should respond because of the interest shown.

Some links to further information.

Regis Trembley’s interview w/ Stanislov Krapivik. This is a really good interview IMO. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s81lV8Pbv-s&lc=Ugwq2tVs7yuRIgJnoe94AaABAg. 

Larry Johnson’s early video on the number of viewers and how it was received w/ such animosity by some. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9OxJ4tVbUM. 

Here is a very thorough article by Scott Ritter on Navalny. https://www.scottritterextra.com/p/the-tragic-death-of-a-traitor?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2

A 17 minute video by Redacted on the events surrounding Navalny’s death. Very helpful.

REPOST OF EARLIER BLOG ON THE POISONING OF ALEXEI NAVALNY

The following is a repost of a blog I wrote in September of 2020. I dealt with two issues: charges of election interference and the claim that Vladimir Putin was behind the attempted murder of Alexei Navalny. Obviously, it is dated, but I think some points I made need to be revisited. So here it is from 2020.

“We will know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false.” William Casey, former Director of the CIA.

THE NAVALNY POISONING. In my last blog I mentioned Senator Lindsey Graham’s August 21 tweet:

“How does this (Navalny incident) eventually end? The Russian people will reach a tipping point where they tire of Putin and his cronies plundering the nation and sowing discord throughout the world—all at the expense of the average Russian.”

Graham posted this in the context of a larger declaration of his support for Alexei Navalny standing up to evil Vladimir Putin. Graham apparently would have us believe he knows all about the “average Russian,” although listening to his comments about Russia over the years has given me no indication that he knows much at all about Russia or average Russians. Let’s be clear: He likes Alexei Navalny because Alexei says nasty things about Putin.

Navalny has been involved in Russian politics for about 10 years. His primary means of communication are his blog and his videos. At first he became fairly popular, especially among young people, although I have never seen a poll showing his favorability ratings in Russia higher than single digits. He spoke out against Putin on Ukraine in 2014, and that was not well received by many Russians. Over time his popularity has dwindled to about 3%. He is far more popular in the West. I rarely hear people here even mention him. He is not a major player on the Russian political stage, although the West still refers to him as the leader of the opposition to Putin.

On August 20 Navalny felt sick on a flight, and the plane made an emergency landing in the city of Omsk (Siberia). Navalny lapsed into a coma and was put on a ventilator. An early report I read said after initial broad based testing to rule out foreign substances, they thought the problem was diabetes and a drop in his sugar level that may have put him in a diabetic coma. Then I read a clarification that said it was not diabetes, but they suspected a metabolic problem could perhaps be the cause. Before they could do any further analyses his family wanted him transferred to Germany. The Russian doctors advised against it, because he was in a coma. The family persisted, however, so on August 22 he was transferred to a hospital in Germany. Later he was moved to a military hospital there.

After he was transferred to the military hospital, the German foreign minister (not the doctors) reported that Navalny had been given the nerve agent Novichok. Novichok is a highly fatal Russian nerve agent, although Russian officials say they eliminated it from their reserves in keeping with OPCW regulations long ago. I am no chemist, but sources say the name refers to a “family” of nerve agents easily produced in many countries, including the U.S.

Russian health officials say Navalny tested negative for any poison or nerve agent while in their care. Several times Russia has made official requests that the German doctors confer with the Russian doctors who examined him to discuss the tests results, but the Germans have thus far refused to speak with the Russian doctors. As of now, Navalny is recovering. He gets up and moves about. He is breathing on his own and plans to return to Russia when his health allows.

First, Navalny’s entourage said he was poisoned by some tea he drank at the airport. Lindsey Graham, like many in the West, went with that narrative even before anyone had announced any test results. None of the omnipresent video camaras in the airport showed any evidence that Navalny took time for tea at the airport, however. So now the story is that they found it in a bottle of water he drank in his hotel room before he left. For a more thorough discussion of the logical problems with both scenarios, as well as reasons both the governments of Russia and Germany need to be more objective and aggressive in the investigation see Paul Robinson, https://irrussianality.wordpress.com/2020/09/17/cups-of-tea-and-bottles-of-water/?fbclid=IwAR0iKecwDTrlplV76JR8DdbHH6i0SORXbSleUBuzKxryojmiq_9rtEfZlqM

I began writing this blog entry not long after the incident. I thought maybe there would eventually be some kind of closure or conclusion, but that does not appear to be happening. A very good article I have read on it is by Craig Murray. I already had plans to make some of the same points Murray made, but he made them before I got to publish my blog—and he also made them more effectively than I would have. https://www.craigmurray.org.uk/archives/2020/09/novichok-navalny-nordstream-nonsense/?fbclid=IwAR1GzVr9agpx7XY14i7_-6N7S0h4wJltCaHFXa5__1XWK3DNFaKL3lcpV4Y

I will simply summarize my own reasons for believing neither Putin nor anyone within his circle ordered Navalny to be poisoned.

First, I agree with Navalny’s own words. The day before his flight Navalny was asked by a group of supporters why he had not been killed (since Vladimir Putin ostensibly feels so threatened by him). The interview was covered by The Sidney Morning News from Australia, but was largely ignored in the English language outlets. https://www.smh.com.au/world/europe/my-death-wouldn-t-help-putin-rival-said-before-suspected-tea-poisoning-20200821-p55nul.html?fbclid=IwAR2CPLZuVkb6T9cNw9RHyZWIyyF5PhaOAbJHcCM3GqDPBYR1KM7uVjzJyq4.

Navalny responded that it would not help Putin if he (Navalny) died. Navalny said his death would make him a hero, and that could create more problems for Putin than if he remained alive. I agree that he would be more of a problem to Putin dead than alive. He has been been an irritant to Putin, but he has never been a serious political threat. That is a figment of the Western imagination.

Western neocons have a wish-fulfillment complex about Putin. They want so badly for people to hate him that they let it contort their view of reality. I mentioned in my last blog how I found it surprising to read months ago of how Putin’s support was “collapsing” as a result of coronavirus. One such article by Barnini Chakraborty appeared on the Fox News site back on April 22. https://www.foxnews.com/world/russians-frustrated-putin-coronavirus-deaths-grow

Like many who write for Western outlets her claims were devoid of evidence. Again perusing Paul Robinson’s site I learned the belief that COVID would doom Putin’s presidency was widely accepted in the West. How is it that Western “intelligence” knows so little about Russia? Putin’s poll ratings in August went back up to 66% according to Levada. In the elections this past Sunday in Russia the United Russia party (Putin’s party) did well. https://www.rt.com/russia/500748-navalny-poisoning-saga-russia-elections/

Second, I agree with Murray that if Putin wanted Navalny dead then he would be dead. Remember the Skripal “murders”? They were the father and daughter in England who Putin allegedly ordered to be killed with Novichok. But they survived. Apparently, British authorities never allowed them to give interviews after their full recoveries.

One can argue about Putin’s motives and methods, but he is clearly not stupid. The earlier attempted murder with Novichok failed, so he tried the same method again? We are supposed to believe Vladimir Putin could control the outcome of the election of the President of the United States, but he botched the murders of both the Skripals and Navalny in a way the whole world would see how incompetent he is.

Third, if the Russians had tried to poison Navalny, why did they allow him to be transferred to Germany? Several writers have asked how it is that no one in Russia had time to turn off the respirator a few minutes during the two days he was in Russia? Certainly someone in the hospital security detail had opportunity. That the Russian doctors gave him good medical treatment and then allowed his transport to Germany so soon leads me to believe they had nothing to hide.

I will move on to my own prejudices against Navalny. He irritates a lot of people. He irritates many rich people. But I’m not rich so that does not bother me. He vilifies Putin, but that gets him support from the West. I get it. What I find strangely missing from reports on him from the West is his attitude toward immigrants to Russia.

If he did not hate Putin, the West would call him a racist. He shows videos with pictures of people who are what Russians call “Caucasians.” This term in Russian does not refer to white people, as it does in American English. It refers to people with ancestors from the Caucasus mountains who frequently migrate to Russia.

Navalny is a strong Russian nationalist who advocates a “pure” Russia. He has done videos of his skits where pictures of Caucasians are coupled with references to cockroaches, flies, and in one video skit he plays a dentist who gets rid of these “rotten teeth.” In another he is a pest exterminator who ends by saying you get rid of cockroaches with a slipper and flies with a swatter, but for these other invading pests you need a pistol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyqAWCx-I38&t=35s

(He is a strong advocate for gun-rights.)

Since I am not an ethnic Russian—I have absolutely no Russian ancestry—I’m not sure how Navalny would think of me and my half-breed children residing here. But that side of Navalny is never seen by the West. We ought not, however, think that some of those “cockroaches” and “rotten teeth” types he refers to have not seen his videos. He is a leader who advocates violence. Chickens do come home to roost.

CONCLUSION. As far as I know there have been no marches in Russia protesting what happened to Navalny―at least none around here. As I indicated, Sunday was the regional (Gubernatorial) elections, and things went peaceably as far as I could tell. There were no riots; no police were attacked; no stores were looted. My 12 year old son went for a long Sunday afternoon bike ride with his buddies.

It is not like that in America. Last month a 5 year old boy was intentionally shot and killed in his own backyard while riding his bike in Wilson, N.C. His killer said he was opposing white privilege. I saw the recent video of a police officer in Los Angeles shot in the face and arms while sitting in her squad car. As she stumbled from the vehicle with blood pouring from her face the crowd across the street cheered the shooting. By the time other officers were able to get her and her partner to the hospital, a crowd of protesters had assembled and blocked the entrance to the hospital. Then I saw a video of the man attacking a police officer in Lancaster, PA. A still photo showed he had a large knife raised as he rushed the officer. The officer shot and killed the man in obvious self-defense. Destructive riots protesting police brutality followed in Lancaster. I have been through Wilson, N.C. several times. I used to occasionally visit relatives in Lancaster, PA. years ago. I went into L.A. a few weekends when I was stationed at 29 Palms. These three cities differ from each other in a lot of ways, but all three have now suffered from the violent turmoil in America.

Lindsey Graham, however, informs the world that Russia is at the “tipping point.” The people are ready to rise up against the evil President Putin for “plundering the nation and sowing discord throughout the world.” So American politicians are not plundering the hope of America? America is not the one sowing discord around the world? It seems to have become the modus operandi of American politicians to divert attention to other nations. We had Qaddafi killed, and today Libya is a slave market. We backed the coup in Ukraine to remove Yanukovich and install Poroshenko, and now their economy is the worst in all of Europe and thousands are dead. Then the U.S. went on to intervene in Syria, Venezuela, and Iran. But we are assured it was Putin’s fault. He is the one spreading discord in the world.

Somehow our leaders have convinced themselves and others that they do such a great job of leading America they have the right to choose the best leaders for other countries. It may not look like they’re spreading democracy when they oust elected leaders, but trust your politicians, America.

Adam Schiff obviously decided he is the one who dictates what Americans are allowed to know. But there were other members on that committee, both Democrats and Republicans, who silently went along with him. Lindsey Graham tells the American people where the tipping points in the world are. He’s not alone. I hear the same line from many of his neocon Beltway kin. Why don’t our leaders focus on telling Americans the truth and then working on America’s problems? Right now it looks like America is the nation close to the tipping point. Fabricating stories about evil Russia won’t make the situation any better in America.

I talked with a friend yesterday on Skype. We talked about the old days when politics could be discussed without the shouting and shooting. While there were exceptions, in general you could rely on the media to give you at least two sides of every story. I miss Walter Cronkite. There really was freedom of speech.

Rest in peace Mr. William Casey. The success of the disinformation campaign you longed for is on the verge of being realized.

MOVING BACK TO AMERICA

This blog entry is one I thought I’d never write. When we moved into this house and got our bedroom arranged, I remember thinking that this bed could be the one I would die on. As I’ve mentioned several times I have greatly longed to go back for a visit to the States and see family. I did not think I would ever move back there. In my last blog I restated that I’d like to move from Luga. There was the possibility of the village where our church is or Moscow where friends are. I also mentioned the U.S., but dismissed it quickly because of the political situation. 

Things changed. There was still no house available in the village. The kids definitely did not want to move to Moscow. It is a great city, but it is intimidating. I won’t go into details because it would not be appropriate, but occasional conflicts with extended family here have continued. I have come to believe that such conflicts will be a part of life here if we remain. Then there were the hackings of my bank account. I have become more and more aware of my vulnerabilities here without my Russian wife present. 

So one day I was voicing aloud my complaints and frustrations to myself. Then I heard my little daughter’s voice from the next room: “Daddy, maybe God is telling us we ought to move back to America.” I immediately went into her room and asked, “Would you be willing to do that?” She said, “Oh yes! I would love to move back to our family there!” As I probed more she opened up about her own frustrations here. And she told me that when I talk on Skype with our family in America she can just sense their love for us. I promised her I would do as she asked and pray and think things over. 

On the negative side of moving to America the glaring problem for me is the political, economic and moral catastrophe that the American government and culture has become. I genuinely believe a collapse could be ahead. I watched some clips that Judge Nap showed on “Judging Freedom” yesterday. From Mitt Romney to Jake Sullivan the lies about Russia were glaring. Party affiliation does not matter. They continue to push the narrative that Russia is evil and wants to take over the NATO countries. Thus, billions more tax payers’ dollars must be thrown into the fight. 

I have let my thoughts and feelings about American political culture keep me away from America. I am much more comfortable in Russian culture. The political differences here are a breath of fresh air compared to the dark and putrid dishonesty in the U.S. After talking with my daughter, however, I sensed that warmth of family love that she believes is there for us. 

Obviously, I’m getting older, although I honestly don’t feel it. As I’ve mentioned I still do the same physical activities I have been doing all along. And I have gotten back into reading and studying languages again.  But the calendar does not lie. I’ll be 70 years old in May–sounds awful. Nevertheless, as I thought about being around my grown sons and the grandkids, getting older didn’t seem so bad. Another factor occurred to me as I was having a conversation just a bit ago with Oksana’s dad, who dropped by with some food for our dogs. I was focused closely on what he was saying to try to understand and respond. The thought hit me: It would be nice to be around folks speaking English again. 

After my wife died, I stayed in Russia for Gabriel and Marina. I thought the move would be too traumatic. Marina has struggled since Oksana died, as would be expected of any little girl. We have grown so close and as she opened up I realized she needs the change. Life here is pretty good for her. She has friends, and she goes to visit grandparents. But she still feels out of place somehow. When I told her I would think about going back, she would not stop talking about it. After being gone so long, she still feels a strong connection with the Freeman side of the family. 

I brought this up with some Russian friends in other cities who write and check on how I am doing from time to time. I was surprised that two of them told me of traumatic experiences that members of their families had experienced early in life. They said that getting away from the trauma was the best thing that happened. 

I also did some self-evaluation. As I said, I have told people I just could not live in the U.S. after living here. I had no desire to move back. But after talking with Marina and family members in the U.S., I could not get the idea out of my head. I was not looking for an excuse to move back. As much as I wanted it to go away, the mental picture of life back in the U.S. would not leave me. 

I talked to Gabriel, and he does not want to move back. He wants to come visit but not move. He wants to do like Roman and go to tech-college after this year. He completes the 9th grade in June and will be eligible. It worked out great for Roman. By the way, a couple of people asked about Roman. He still lives and works in St. Petersburg at the same job and is engaged to be married next year. 

So Gabriel will not return with us. He will stay with Oksana’s parents. Since he plans on going away to college this Fall we knew we would be separated no matter what. Of course, his plans could always change. And I don’t rule out the possibility that this may not work out as well as Marina and I are hoping. I will still have the house here, and it is paid for. And the fact that we all three are both Russian and U.S. citizens means that entering and exiting Russia would not be as complicated if we had to have visas or other documents. 

While I am getting very excited about returning to my family, there is obviously some grief as well. When we came here in 2016, all 5 of us were so happy to be here. The cost of living was so cheap my early retirement pay was plenty. A big catalyst for coming to Russia for me was the opportunity to have time to spend with family. I was able to do that. Marina was not yet two years old, and I got to be with her as she grew. I fondly remember watching all the kiddie shows and cartoons with her every morning. It was a joy. Gabe was 8 years old, and we could not believe how easily he adjusted. But after covid, cancer, the death of my wife and the proxy war in Ukraine between my two worlds, things have gone from bad to worse. Moving back with just Marina and me does feel a bit hollow. Nevertheless, I think it is a necessary step on the road to continued healing. 

I will write more when our plans are settled. I have much to do before we will be ready to leave. I also intend to give some impressions when we do get back to the States. I don’t know if the blog will continue after that or not. My suspicion is I will probably have more culture shock going back to my home country than I had coming here. Going back without Oksana will be traumatic without question. While I don’t doubt how tough it could be, I will go on remembering the advice I read and relayed in the blog after Oksana’s death.  I will just do the next thing. And I firmly believe that right now the next thing is to return to the homeland.